ICYMI: I was hilarious last week

I spent my long holiday weekend being sick.

And during this stupid cold, I produced some of my best tweety material, and feel it did not get the love it deserved. So, here it is. In all its snotty, Pseudoephedrine-induced, sometimes-tweeted-while-sleeping glory.

If you want to feel like a real a-hole, open a can of soup while looking your cat in the eye.

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 2, 2016

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young woman coming down with a cold will also see the arrival of her period.

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 2, 2016

took nighttime cold medicine before a nap and now I am 👽

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 3, 2016

I have been asleep for most of the last day and a half, and I'm so glad the Internet remained stupid while I hibernated this cold away.

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 3, 2016

eau de cough droppe

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 3, 2016

Do you think Voldemort gets head colds?

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 5, 2016

I should get strings for my tissue box and wear it like a purse.

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 5, 2016

These liquid gel cap medicine things are great until they slip out of your mouth and roll under your desk. Into the dust bunny abyss.

— Ashley Holstrom (@alholstrom) September 6, 2016

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week.

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