Up, Up, and Away

I’m a little late to the game, but I had one of those great shower epiphanies and decided to participate in One Word 365. You pick a word to focus on that sums up what you want to do, who you want to be, for one year.

My word? Up. Growing up, moving up, switching it up. Keeping my head up.

I just graduated from college (yay!), and I’ve become preoccupied with the need to be an adult. Rather than, you know, figuring out how many hours until it’s acceptable to go to the bar. On a Tuesday. In a snowstorm.

The grown-up list is surprisingly getting more things crossed off than expected (I take the expressway to work every day without hyperventilating! I made my first student loan payments! I got a credit card! I bought new bed sheets!), but it’s quickly becoming apparent that the list never really ends. And I suppose it never will — until I die, I guess.

***

A friend of mine pointed out over the summer, while I was a silly intern, that I seemed too worried about what people thought about my age. Now that I’m working full-time at the place I interned, where people still make intern jokes whenever I goof up, it’s, uh, still a problem.

It’s impossible to feel like an almost-adult while being surrounded by people who appear to have their lives in order. Even though it’s been rumored that everyone’s faking it and no one knows what they’re doing, I still feel miles behind. You’re doing a great job, fakers! Now, teach me your ways.

Reading Kelly Williams Brown’s Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps has been a great help, and I’m sure I’ll be carrying it around with me for years to come, referencing it every time I need to know how to trick myself into doing something I don’t feel ready for yet. Right now, it’s all about baby steps.

***

As always, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately making lists of things I need to do and focus on mentally to make my life suck less. A roadmap to my own happiness.

It’s mostly the need to clean up. Metaphorically speaking, like removing toxic thoughts and people, but also physically speaking. Moving back into your childhood room for good instead of for three months requires a LOT of purging. Seriously. Each Ex-Boyfriend Box has been condensed into one shoebox. I’ve parted ways with so many bags full of once-prized possessions that now belong to GoodWill. And there’s still so much more that could go away without being missed.

***

My life is monotonous. Work, eat, sleep, waste time on the Internet. Repeat. It’s boring, and I love it, but I need more adventures. A dear friend said she has to be intentional about making plans with people, and making them happen. And apparently spending a weekend unshowered and wrapped in a cocoon of blankets isn’t exactly the best way to have those adventures. I’m working on it. Kind of.

***

Ferris Bueller was right: Life does move pretty fast. The ultimate goal for the next year is to slow down and enjoy it. Remember the good moments. Learn from the bad, and then politely give them the finger. Not everything needs to be stressed about, not everything needs to piss me off.

Apologies for the stream of consciousness. These words are still trying to make sense of themselves in my head, but they just need to get out. They’ve been marinating for weeks, but maybe things don’t always have to be perfect.

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3 comments on “Up, Up, and Away

  1. I think we’re all faking it to some degree. Laugh off the jokes, likely they are a by-product of the more insecure among your colleagues. And realise that you actually never feel old… just more tired. ;)

    Good luck with all the ‘up’ you have planned! You’ll get there. Best one to remember though, is the one that starts: Never Give…

    Like

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